Being apart of the 1 in 8 is tricky. Am I supposed to be sad? angry? bitter? hurt? Or am I allowed to be happy? Hopeful? Excited? Stronger? Like I said, it’s tricky.
The day I finally accepted that we were being put into the 1 in 8 I found support groups on facebook, some friends and searched the internet. 80% of these ladies/men were sad, angry, bitter, hurt, etc. Which made me think I was supposed to be too. But that wasn’t me. So I left those facebook groups, stopped hanging out with those friends and closed down my internet searches. I wanted my life to continue to move and to be happy.
I began seeing a therapist to help me understand certain thoughts and actions of myself and others and I remember thinking “One day I’ll be thankful for infertility, one day I’ll be okay that I can’t get pregnant.” And I’ll never forget that day that being the 1 in 8 didn’t matter anymore.
The first day we spent with our birth mom, I sat and waited for her to ask why we couldn’t have children because that’s what everyone else around me was asking and wondering. But she didn’t, so I brought it up, just so she knew how much Lemmon was wanted and needed in our lives. So, I said “We can’t have kids.” and her response “oh okay, so as I was saying…” Guys! She didn’t care! She didn’t care if I was the 1 in 8! All she cared about was her baby being loved and taken care of. So why should I care? It doesn’t matter how I get my babies here in our family, as long as they are loved and taken care of. So, I simply stopped caring. I don’t want you to think I am insensitive about infertility and we all just need to get over it. That’s not what I am saying at all, but if the women who placed her child with me doesn’t care, then why should a complete stranger care of why I can’t get pregnant.
I’ve been watching videos of women talking about their infertility this week and the music and tone of voice is so sad and solemn. Yes, it’s a really tough thing to go through (Hi! Went through it over here!) but to be sad and angry and BITTER (that’s a huge one) about it won’t make the trial any easier. I want National Infertility Awareness week to show how these women are strong and have so much hope and the faith that their God will allow them to be a mother one day and to show people it doesn’t matter how my child got here, they are here and loved!
I am grateful for infertility! How else would our sweet Lemmonade have gotten here. I am grateful I can’t get pregnant! How else was I supposed to be the Women God needed me to become. Yes, I am the 1 in 8 but it doesn’t need to be an sad, angry, bitter statistic. It’s a strong, life changing, faithful trial to have. And I am grateful the Lord knew I could handle it.