Being an Adoptive Mama
September 10, 2018
This post has been on my mind for months! Mostly because I get questions quite often about adoption, particularly Lemmon’s adoption. Her story is different then most kids and my story is different then most moms. I have learned to embrace every tiny fact in our stories. It’s a fact, I am her adoptive mom and doesn’t that make me any less or any more of a mom to her. I am her mom and her adoptive mom and I LOVE it!
Being an adoptive mom means you get questions galore. It means, my heart not only had to make room for my baby, but another women as well (more on that soon) Being an adoptive mom made my roll as a mother completely different then the “average joe”.
Everyday our babies wake up and have something new up their sleeves that their little minds have learned. We watch as a new word is said, as they learn to share, as they hit milestones that you had once hit at that stage of life too. But my world is a little different. Lemmon’s DNA is simply different then mine. Her personality, while I do think she gets a ton of it from her dad and I, is from two different people. My baby wakes up every day, and it’s a mystery to me what milestone she will or will not hit. I hit the jackpot! Everyday is a surprise with her because I have no idea what her DNA is telling her to do.
All of my sisters and I LOVE mexican food! Like LOVE IT! It’s in our DNA. Lemmon can pound a bottle of hot sauce in 10 seconds… because it’s in her DNA! (What two year old loves that much hot sauce… a creole-2 year old) This will continue on for the rest of our lives. I know when I hit puberty and had an idea of when I would hit it because of my mother. But with Lemmon, it’s a surprise. All of this is so exciting to my husband and I. We get to literally open a new present everyday and watch a new personality unfold. It’s fun to sit back and watch her do something and brain storm of where she got that particular trait. It’s all a guessing game!
Being an adoptive mom also means judgments. I can’t tell you how many times people have told me I should have kept going with fertility procedures or that I should have done foster care (that’s another post in itself!) It’s being told that I ripped my daughter out of her birth mom’s arms and kidnapped her, never giving her birth mom a choice. It’s being told that I just ruined my daughter’s life because of the decision I made to adopt her. Or the main one: “My husband said he could never adopt because he couldn’t love another person’s child.” Being an adoptive mom has made me stronger than I ever have before. It’s made me more compassionate and ready to educate others on the most incredible experience for all of us. Being an adoptive mother has made my skin thicker then anyone’s I know. I am able to find ways to share how adoption is a beautiful way that families are built.
My most asked questions: What will you do when Lemmon and her birth mom meet and have a relationship? I remember when our cousin met his birth mom. I asked his adoptive mom how she felt about it and I loved her answer! “I love it and I am good with it! But that just means I have to share him now.” hahaha, I love it! And that’s my answer! I am not scared or nervous I’ll loose my spot as Lemmon’s mom. If I do my job right then I’ll never loose my spot. I am 100% confident I am doing my best and doing it as right as I know I can. So when the day comes that these two meet, I hope I am able to be there to watch a once in a lifetime reunion. I hope I can join in on that embrace and thank our birth mom for everything she’s done for us. I’ll be sad I’ll have to share more of Lemmon 😉 But that’s the least of my worries 🙂 When you become an adoptive mom, your confidence is shaken for about 10 seconds. Am I going to be just as good as her birth mom? Is she going to know I am her mom right away? What if my baby doesn’t accept me? Then the moment you both connect eyes, all those fears go away. And you’re simply her mom! You become more confident in you roll as you do things a mother should be doing. I know I am Lemmon’s mom and no one can take that from me. I know that Lemmon also has a birth mom and my gratitude for her is through the roof! One day I’ll have to share her, but I will ALWAYS be her mother.